I'll never need to see the sun again...

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 16:37:05 GMT

And the record won't stop skipping
And the lies just won't stop slipping
And besides my reputation's on the line
We can fake it for the airwaves
Force our smiles, baby, half dead
From comparing myself to everyone else around me
Please put the doctor on the phone 'cause I'm not making any sense
Blame everyone but me for this mess
And my back has been breaking from this heavy heart
We never seemed so far
I'm hopelessly hopeful, that you're just hopeless enough
But we never had it at all

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I really dont know what to do. This one killed me. If I do this again, I'm just letting myself get walked all over. If I dont... then I lose the only thing that's important to me. I'm not sure it could ever be the same again. I keep trying to blame her. And then I blame him. But maybe it's me...

I had to fuck up somewhere. Fuck me once, shame on you. Fuck me twice, that's my fault. Or something like that... right?

I'm not letting the wall down again. I'm not trusting anyone. Almost 2 years have passed since I gave up on everything, and I should have stayed that way. At least then I didnt have to worry about being crushed again. I stopped it before it happened. I was smart before...

There's gonna be major fucking changes if this is ever going to happen again.

And someone is going to get their ass beat for what happened.

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 16:18:54 GMT

Yeah so my assumption was right. Some mother fucker ratted me out, and now I have another arrest on my record. Thats 4 before I'm 17. My mom is PISSED. And the worst part is, I cant go to Hawii with Nicole, or even see her for that fact. Or ANYONE. I dont have a computer, I dont have a phone, I dont have my license, I dont have much of a life anymore. I have to go to the station soon or hte "punishment" will be worse. This sucks.

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 00:29:38 GMT

Yeah so some detective called my house and wanted to talk to me, but I wasnt home. What the fuck? What is this shit? I can just feel it... I think I'm going to be fucked over for some reason...

FINALLY....

Fri, 11 Nov 2005 22:53:19 GMT

Now all I need is a damn car =/.

Sat, 15 Oct 2005 15:14:35 GMT

Another fucking week. I'm never getting my fucking lisence.

Sat, 01 Oct 2005 15:31:07 GMT

Last night was fuckin awesome until the last half hour.

That last half hour could fuck up alot of things. Like the only thing I have right now.

Marc, thanks bud. I could have been stupid as hell last night, and you prolly saved me from the cops.

There's just something about the way it was said that makes me believe it...

Hope it's not true.

Sat, 03 Sep 2005 12:33:21 GMT

Dude. September fest. Cant wait.

Kinda sucks, I work from 8 to 4 today... but at least i have the night afterwards. But Ima be tiiiiiiired.

HEEEEEEEEEEEEY BABY! I WANNA KNOOOOOOOOW, WILL YOU BE MAH GIRL.. BAH----BAH-BAH--BAH. Last nights game was awesome. Brought back old memories. I miss the beginning of Sophomore year. Even with all the shit that was going on.. there were some good times. Like homecoming, football games, chillin' with Chilly, Teen Center Shows, and so on...

Yeah and is it just me, or does anyone else miss the teen center shows? IDK... alot of good times there...

Ok well nothing more to say. Im getting my license on the 23rd, so I'll prolly update around then. Other than that, see you folks at Sep Fest.

Peace.

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 04:05:25 GMT

See ya'll maniana.

Hah. Ive been dreading this day all summer... but I dunno why. Now that it's here, I'm glad I have something new to do.

And tomorrow I get to find out some shitty news. Oh boy!

But today was good, no matter how bad tomorrow will be. 10 months babe. Still goin strong. I love you.

Focker; out.

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 20:30:53 GMT

Little deuce Coupe
You don't know what I got
Little deuce Coupe
You don't know what I got

Well I'm not braggin' babe so don't put me down
But I've got the fastest set of wheels in town
When something comes up to me he don't even try
Cause if I had a set of wings man I know she could fly
She's my little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got
My little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got

Just a little deuce coupe with a flat head mill
But she'll walk a Thunderbird like it's standin' still
She's ported and relieved and she's stroked and bored.
She'll do a hundred and forty with the top end floored
She's my little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got
My little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got

She's got a competition clutch with the four on the floor
And she purrs like a kitten till the lake pipes roar
And if that aint enough to make you flip your lid
There's one more thing, I got the pink slip daddy

And comin' off the line when the light turns green
Well she blows 'em outta the water like you never seen
I get pushed out of shape and it's hard to steer
When I get rubber in all four gears

She's my little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got
My little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got
She's my little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got
My little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got
She's my little deuce coupe
You don't know what I got

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 20:42:13 GMT

Yeah I know I dont update anymore, but hey if anyone gives a shit here's my schedule...

English CMG 122
US History MDM 211
Chemistry EWV 234
Auto Tech 2 JPK 176
Band/Lunch RAP 160
Band/Lunch RAP 160
Fitness/Wt TRN TEM GYM
Algerbra 2 WBA 142

Stays same for 2nd semester.

Tue, 09 Aug 2005 21:42:47 GMT

Dude. Drumline camp is a bitch and two halves. Bitch squared, if you will.

My sholders hurt so bad. And my neck aint much better.

Im happy i dont work after today until saturday... but ill miss the extra dough =/.

What is wrong with me. I'm listening to this emo shit. And not turning it off!!!

Oh wait... off it goes.

So Long And Good Night.....

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 06:08:57 GMT

Man I'm in a good mood... but shitty at the same time. I think I just need sleep.

Tonight was awesome. FINALLY saw Bad News Bears with Nicole. It was fuckin awesome. Billy Bob Throton= my hero.

I dont like working. I dont see ANYONE anymore. I mean, I barely did when I didnt work, because I mostly saw Nicole. And dont anyone go fuckin' saying "yeah thats all you do, blah blah blah...". Because everyone does it... every one of you that has a gf/bf sees them more than your friends. Anyway... I barely even have time for her anymore. It's starting to clear up at work finally, and I'm about to start Drumline camp this monday. And she has dance for church or w/e... then poms for conant. I'm never gonna have time. And now, she works too. It keeps getting harder...

I need my license and my car soon. 7 more days till i can get it! I thought it was 11 for some reason... but I miscounted. today is the 7th, and I get it the 14th.

One week, then I can leave this hellhole...

"I'm not ok. I promise...."

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 21:26:45 GMT

ok so i deleted my last entry.

here's a better, SHORTER way of saying it.

Ignorance is bliss. i wish i could be a fucking simpilton and not have gone through anything. they have THE life. but im not. ive been through shit noone will ever know of, and im not going to sit here and bitch about it. because i have something that i know can last forever. something all those people who havent gone through anything probably dont have. and i know that there is no way it will die. i know it will be hurt, cracked, bruised, whatever you wanna call it... it will be damaged. but no matter what, i know we can pull through it. and THAT, is why im not going to bitch about my problems. if there is a such thing as "love", i know i have it with you...

i want to stay with you till we're old enough to tell our grandkids how we met... and all the good and bad times we went through. i want this to last a LIFETIME...

Sun, 24 Jul 2005 05:24:24 GMT

I feel eyelashes on my cheek
And they lacerate my flesh
A pain so good
Put your hand in mine
Never let go
Never wake up 'cause I'm done with promises
I'm taking blood oaths
Feels likes you could kiss my imperfections
My imperfections away
And I would stand
Stand by your side until the sun turns the sky
All the colors I see in your eyes

I'll never need to see the sun again
There's enough light in your eyes to light up our little world
So take me, take me away
Kill me slowly, I'll never be the same

I swear to you, on everything I am
And I dedicate to you all that I have
And I promise you that I will stand right by your side
Forever and always until the day I die

The bite marks on my neck never felt so good
I'm losing control and it's all that I can do
Not to blackout and fall into lust with you
Your kisses infect me
The dark gift is loving you

And I feel immortal and I want to make you feel the same
So stand by me as we immulate
We can burn in each other's arms...

Tonight was just what I needed. Everything went perfect. Nothing got in the way. Nothing went wrong. Just a perfect night with a perfect girl. Just what I needed.

Car show with Adam and Nicole earlier too... amazing fun until we were done with the cars. Then I was So0o0o0o0o Bo0o0o0o0o0rEd.

Work tomorrow from 1 to 9:30. I'm pushing carts in 100 degree weather. With 2 15 minute breaks and a lunk for 30 minutes. FUCK.

Nothing to complain about in this entry. What a pleasant change!

Hi, I'm Duce Bigga...est lady I've ever seen!!!!

On that note, the end.

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 17:37:31 GMT

Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older
Then we wouldn’t have to wait so long
And wouldn’t it be nice to live together
In the kind of world where we belong

You know it’s gonna make it that much better
When we can say goodnight and stay together

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wake up
In the morning when the day is new
And after having spent the day together
Hold each other close the whole night through

Happy times together we’ve been spending
I wish that every kiss was neverending
Wouldn’t it be nice

Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true
Baby then there wouldn’t be a single thing we couldn’t do
We could be married
And then we’d be happy

Wouldn’t it be nice

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But lets talk about it
Wouldn’t it be nice

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 20:09:20 GMT

One more kiss could be the best thing
But one more lie could be the worst
And all these thoughts are never resting
And you're not something I deserve

In my head there's only you now
This world falls on me
In this world there's real and make believe
And this seems real to me

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 05:19:28 GMT

Somehow I knew that it would be this way,
Somehow I knew that it would slowly fade.
Now I am gone, just try and stop me now...

You say you'll call. You say you forget. Then you try and tell me you still want it to work. You make promises... and I give in. I let down my guard. I let that little bit of hope rip me apart more and more each time. So the question isnt do you really want it to work. The question is how many times is it going to take before there's nothing left to rip apart?

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

You always tell me that you still need me. Ill keep trying to make it work... even though it kills me every time it doesnt happen. It's my fault... because I want it to work too. And i cant give up on what we had. And i know there was once something there... because we have the scars to proove it. And as much as i say this.. i know it will just happen again and again and again...

This is it. I'm done trying to fix how everything was. I know I've said it before.. but that was out of anger. I dont care what you think of it, but I cant take it anymore. There's only so much you can take before it's all gone. And I'm running on fumes here. This is it. You either make it happen, or I dont really have any other choice...

bye...

only read this if your really interested in what i think...

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 06:26:56 GMT

ok so here's the thing. i have about a million and two thoughts in my head. but im coming to realize... i dont get a second chance at this. whatever happens today, i cant change it. it's done. its gone forever. you dont get a second chance at anything. every day is a new day. not a chance to fix one you fucked up on. that day is gone, and you cant change what you did, or the end result.

this goes for everything. if you've been "in love" once before, and it ended... but then you found someone else. it's not a second chance. there is no such thing. it's something different. a second chance would be to go back in time, and re-live what happened. if you did that, despite your efforts, the outcome would be the same. there are no second chances.

if i sit here and think about all of my thoughts, every 1,000,002 of them, and worry about all of them, ill waste this time. this time that i dont get a second chance at... that i dont ever get back. no. i've wasted enough of my time. its time i dont let things get to me as much as they usually do.

------------------------------------
actual post:

i hung out with my old friend yesterday. it was a real eye opener. thats all i have to say. she hasnt changed a bit. neither has our friendship. thats how it SHOULD be. SHE is a true friend. and suprisingly... she knows the band eli? jesus christ how big are they fucking getting??? all her friends know them too.

work tomorrow from 1-9. im doing carts, so come visit me. target. on mecham and higgens. ill be there.

by the way... i do trust you. people slip. it happens. i believe you when you say you wont again. dont make me an idiot?

i lost all respect for you. truely, i did.

people are fucking hilarious.

Wed, 06 Jul 2005 04:38:43 GMT

i want you people to comment in this. to answer me this question. i have my oppinion. im not going to change mine by your comments. i just want to see if... well, here's the question.

you're friends with someone for a long time. then you suddenly stop talking. no particular reason, you just grow apart. then you try to make it work again. if you find that all you do is talk about the old times, and try to make it like those old times, is it worth it to keep that friendship going? or is it pointless because all you are doing is talking about the past, and the truth is that the friendship HAS no future?

please tell me your thoughts. i have my opinion, tell me yours.

i've decided that this is going to be the majority of my updates from now on. no more bitchng, no more of that shit. once in a while ill do a "usual entry", if you will. but in short, i dont like who most people are becoming...

as for today, just what i needed. good times bud.

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 04:48:36 GMT

yeah so i got my computer back... did ya miss me?

didnt think so.

i might start updating again. dunno if i really have the motivation to anymore.

in short, im gonna sit here and listen to the beach boys and try to remember why i try so fucking hard....

later..

Wooooooooow......

Tue, 14 Jun 2005 01:09:16 GMT

Wow. Lots of things going through my head right now. Cant wait 'till vacation so they are all OUT!

Today: Went to Nicole's pool. Awesome time. Doing not much, but awesome.

Tomorrow: Going in the sun with Nicole♥. Then to her Grandparent's place for a while. Then to the mall to get my FLIP FLOPS!!!! (and hers too). Then.... who knows?

Wednesday: Going to my job orientation thingy. I start soon after I get back from Florida. Cant wait to have cash...

Thursday: Hopefully getting The Stones tickets for Nicole's Dad? If not, something else.

Friday: Driving with Mike, then leaving around 5 for FLORIDA!!! WAH-Freaking-HOOOOOO!!!

Cant wait to leave this fuckin' place.

P.S. Does anyone own the movies Gremlins 2 or The Breakfast Club? That Nicole and I could borrow and return?

Haven't been able to find those^^^

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 22:22:47 GMT

Yeah not in the mood to update.

Tomorrow: English final 4th. Then shopping for Florida with Nicole.

Friday: Hanging out with Jenny. Not sure what we're doing? Nicole wants to go fishing. Wanna go?

I'm a fucking idiot. Truely, I am.

Wed, 08 Jun 2005 03:41:14 GMT

ok. dude. my thumb is gonna fall off. no joke.

so we're playing softball, right? mark caine gets up to bat. and this kid can rip the fucking ball to the tennis fence, lemme tell ya. so he hits the ball. bullet fucking line drive right past third. who's playing 3rd? me! yay! i caught it and i thought it took my fucking thumb off. its purple. i think it might be broke. that would suck balls.

i looooove caffine.

and tylenol.

im so fucking spent. time for bed. fuck finals. and school. i need one good grade. autos. other than that, fuck it all.

im in a bad mood now. god i love life.

Mon, 06 Jun 2005 14:57:18 GMT

im looking at cars. its depressing that they are so much. i might just end up getting that prbe with the engine swap. its free, so why not?

Sat, 04 Jun 2005 04:38:20 GMT

Yeah. I'm not in the best of moods. And you think I would be.

Awesome day up until tonight I guess.

Marc is mad at me for some reason. I didnt even do shit. I guess I fuck up everything...

I need to start seeing my old friends. I'm sick of this drama Bullshit.

I hate when people lie. Whats the point when the person sees through it?

Fuck off and goodnight.